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The Life and Death in Relationships

The greatest conversation you will ever have is the one that takes place in between your ears for it fuels the power of the tongue. Our words are like toothpaste in a tube……. we can squeeze them out, but we can't take them back. Our thoughts drive our words and if our thoughts are not godly thoughts…. if our thoughts are not within the will of God ………then we are not living by the word of God and our tongue will reveal it. We have evidence of this each and every day from our highest office of our democratic society to our youngest members of that democratic society who are surrounded by and therefore influenced by the undisciplined tongues of the adults that surround them. We've all experienced it; we hear young child say what we consider a bad word and then we say I don't know where he learned that from…. where did he get that from? they heard it flow from the mouth of an undisciplined tongue.

Wars have started by the tongue, feelings have been hurt by the tongue, heinous crimes have been committed by individuals who were influenced by what came from the tongue of others such as a young man who goes into a church and takes the lives of the Saints who welcomed him with open arms. His actions were influenced by thoughts that were planted by hateful words that flowed from the tongue of others. His thoughts then influenced his heinous actions. This gives vivid meaning to the saying there's life and death in the power of the tongue.

The power of the tongue reveals itself in relationships. We must speak life into each other. Not just in marriages or committed relationships, but in all relationships. If we are not careful, we can carry this verbal weapon into our relationships. As young children, some grow up with negative words being spoken over them throughout their childhood. As they become adults, they, in turn speak negatively to those around them, and they may not even realize it! A harsh word is said that can shatter a relationship for good! So how do we change this? How do we maneuver the power of the tongue into positive arenas? I offer these suggestions:

Reset and rephrase: Firstly, sometimes, there is wisdom in silence. I’m just saying. Everything does not warrant a comment. Sometimes you may just need to let it go and let it go, for real! It’s not that serious! Sometimes. That’s the reset part. As for the rephrase, it’s not what you say but how you say it. Sometimes we don’t make progress in our relationships because of how we speak to a friend or loved one. Sometimes it’s our tone of voice, both of which can be very damaging. “You are just like our daddy!” “You are just like your mother!” Many times those phrases are utilized in a negative way and the child feels it! Yes, they can be just like “that” parent because they are half of “that” parent. Now it may not be the half that you like but you have to remember who you are speaking to! The child! I was speaking with an instructor recently who was sharing a glimpse into his childhood. The conversation was sparked by my observation that he was fearless and would try whatever it was that he put his mind to. He shared with me, that from a young child, positive affirmations were always spoken over him. “You can be whatever you desire to be.” He grew up believing that because that is what was spoken into him all throughout his life.

Then there is the wife who has that adoring husband, the man who will do anything for her. Why? One possible reason, she has the wisdom to know how to speak to him and over him. The sting of a cruel word from a woman, can knock a man to his knees. Ladies, we must be mindful of what we speak into the men in our lives. They receive enough challenges out there in the world. Let’s be sure the sanctuary of their home environment is a safe space for them to be encouraged, revived, and embraced! Now I know, I hear some of you now! “He doesn’t deserve all that!” or “You should hear how he speaks to me.” Now if this is you, the issue may lie beyond this conversation. Address it, resolve it (if possible), and then begin to speak positive words into each other.

The bottom line, our words have power. What we speak and what is spoken over us, all affect our spirit. Let’s challenge ourselves to not only speak life over ourselves, but to speak life over all those we encounter.

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