There is a beautiful song by the late Bill Withers which describes the journey of two people in love. He describes that, with effort, you can make it! Anything worth having takes effort and the desire to find a way to make it work. When we are seeking a mate, we tend to look at these laundry lists of surface requirements. So why is it that when you meet someone that meets 95% of what is on your list, the relationship can still fail? Perhaps it’s because basic qualities are missing. Perhaps we need to look at some other aspects of the person to determine if a lifelong relationship is possible. Ask yourself:
Do you fundamentally get along? If the two of you had to sit on a bench in a park for two hours, can you do so without argument, confrontation, or uncomfortable silence?
Do you have the same faith-based beliefs? People are enthusiastic about their faith. If you contradict in this area, that will cause problems
Do you both have a temperament that can navigate disagreements without an intense argument? We all disagree at times, but the key is, how you navigate the disagreement and whether or not it ends in resolution
Do you bring peace to each other? You have to feel safe and at peace in each other’s presence, at peace, no drama!
Do you see you both going in the same direction as you head into the future? Can you support each other’s vision in the future? Do you compliment each other or are you traveling in opposite directions?
The element of a good foundation is really quite simple. When those elements are in place, the “list” of what we think we want looks a bit more doable. When you absolutely love someone for the core of who they are, the other things can be a work in progress. Are there habits that each of you have that works the nerves of the other person? Absolutely! No one is perfect so we all have to coexist with those “habits” that work our nerves, but we have to love each other beyond those moments. They will certainly come!
We run into trouble when we try to manipulate each other, change each other, or mold each other. If that occurs, perhaps we are not matched with the right person and we need to continue to pursue the journey of finding the one who compliments us the most.