To Fix or Not to Fix, That is the Question


Well now, I’m sure for some of you, the title alone captured your attention and perhaps, for some of you, the question is a trigger! I have recently learned that this is definitely a Pandora’s Box. Lord have mercy! Who knew that a question like this would conjure such strong emotions? Well, here goes my perspective which I totally realize, many of you may firmly disagree.

I always thought this to be a dividing line among the generations but that is not necessarily the case. It is sometimes a generational concept based on family customs. To me, what it boils down to is a personal choice and how that personal choice is interpreted. Some see this gesture as a sign of love and endearing service. Some see this gesture as a task that “should” not necessarily be required. Some don’t see the need to fix a plate, especially if the man is perfectly capable of fixing his own plate. Lord have mercy!

Some feel this works both ways, she fixes his, he fixes hers. I suppose that could work but then he opens the door for her, she opens the door for him. A partnership, equal rights in a relationship. All these perspectives are on the table. So, the question remains for those who are not sure what the right answer is. Is there a right or wrong answer? I don’t think so, but I do think what a woman does or doesn’t do for her man, can speak volumes, and can be interpreted by that man in ways she may not realize because a man may not necessarily express how a gesture does or does not make him feel. However, I would dare say, how he interacts with that woman, may be his answer.

So, I am asked to answer this very question. These are just my thoughts, you may not agree, but that does not negate the fact that they are….my thoughts on the matter.

Growing up, I saw it demonstrated by grandmothers, aunties, etc. Fix the man’s plate. Mind you, the man seated in front of the plate was always a good man, who provided for his family, protected his family, and was respected by his family.

A man who protects, provides for, and loves his family, fixing his plate is but a loving gesture to show respect and appreciation. A man who is a gentleman, he holds the door for his lady, he walks curbside (that’s a little one that some of you miss), he always seats facing the door at any restaurant or establishment you all may be at (yep, another little thing that some of you miss). When you are out and about, he may appear to be looking off in the distance or looking elsewhere, perhaps you feel he is not paying attention to what you are saying. Men perceive things that women often miss. He may be scanning the environment just to make sure all is well and that you both are safe. He does those subtle things that lets you know this man cares about you. Don’t allow society to dictate how you treat your mate. How you treat each other is reciprocated back to you. It’s organic. You naturally respond to acts of care, love, and concern. At least I hope you would. Yes ladies, there “should” be no question. Fix the man’s plate and embrace the journey.

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